Scream Free Parenting

We Are Comfortable In The Known

Andy Kaasa — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 21:44:16 +0000

We are more comfortable in the known- even in misery- than we are in the unknown.

Pg 208

The Four Levels of Love

Andy Kaasa — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 20:47:13 +0000

1) I love me for my benefit.

This is the most selfish and the most infantile of the four levels. "I care for my interests alone, and I am only interested in results that immediately and ultimately befit me."

2) I love you for my benefit.

Most of us dwell here. "I love you and care for you because I receive validation knowing I add value to your life. I love you because I need to in order to feel right, safe, strong, worthy." It's the Golden Rule twisted inside out. Instead of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," it turns into "Do unto others so that they might do unto you."

3) I love you for your benefit.

Statements like "I'll always be here for you" and "You're the most important thing in the world to me." Yikes! I don't want that type of pressure, do you? Especially if I'm just a kid. The truth of the matter is that this level of love, while sounding elegantly selfless, can never truly exist.

4) I love me for your benefit.

A person operating on this level says: "I love me, work on me, and build myself up so that I can come to you from a position of wholeness, a position of fullness. I take care of me so that you don't have to. From fullness I can then empty myself, my gifts, my love, my actions, for your ultimate benefit. I am the only one in charge of me and my well-being. Therefore, as a steward of my greatest gift, my life, I need to take steps to ensure my health, my calmness of mind, my sanity, and my own validation as a person in the world. Thus, I can free you from having to provide those things for me. Thus, I can truly serve you without needing you to serve me."

Pg 195

Crisis

Andy Kaasa — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 20:41:25 +0000

If you're gasping for breath, you can't help anybody else.

Pg 189

Respect

Andy Kaasa — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 20:01:05 +0000

The quality that commands the most respect is an ability to accept responsibility for one's actions, regardless of the factors leading up to those actions.

Pg 153

What You Say About Your Kids

Andy Kaasa — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 18:30:40 +0000

What you say about your kids is more important than what you say to them.

-Pg 120

Wonder

Andy Kaasa — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 18:24:18 +0000

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than closed by belief.

-Gerry Spence

Pg 116

Labels

Andy Kaasa — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 18:23:03 +0000

We are so quick to judge our children according to small slices of life, without ever seeing a broader picture of the different possibilities.

Pg 116

The Best Way To Give Advice

Andy Kaasa — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 02:51:56 +0000

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

-Harry S Truman

Pg 94

The Power Of Creating Room

Andy Kaasa — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 02:45:52 +0000

The remarkable power of creating room for your children is that you get to be amazed by what they do with it! As you reduce your anxiety about their choices, their choices begin to astound you.

Pg 86

Bad Choices Are Good?

Andy Kaasa — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 02:40:01 +0000

Hard as it may be for us to hear, it is far better for our children to make bad choices on their own than to have them run to those choices as an escape from our anxiety.

Pg 82