Robots and Rebels

Most of us feel like we're responsible for our children.  Sure, they're totally dependent on us right from the beginning.  But let's think about that. 

If you are responsible for your children, then you have to figure out how to program them to make the "right" choices.  And you need to do it quickly.  You have to learn the right techniques to get them to think, feel, and behave according to your definition of "good."

All of this sounds alarmingly like obedience training.  It comes as no surprise to find parenting books at your local bookseller written by animal trainers.  "What works for Fido can work for your child!"

If you're totally responsible for coercing your children into being good, then it makes perfect sense to enlist some program or system like that.  Such an approach may make parents feel big and in charge, but it leaves the children feeling small and incompetent.

The fact that our children have been given the power of choice, as self-directed human beings, can thwart even the best obedience-training program.  Children will soon realize they are in a no-win situation.  Either they kill their own decision-making spirit in an attempt to reduce their parents' anxiety, or they rebel against their parents' authority.  That's the catch-22 of the "responsible for" model of parenting.  Parents either program their children correctly or they have failed.  Children either conform to the system, surrender their individuality, and become "the child we don't have to worry about," or they rebel against the system, failing to "get with the program."

In this system, the possibility of children learning to act for themselves and think critically about their choices does not exist.  Doing so would equal rebellion.  If your child ends up "doing the right thing," then you've raised a robot.  He did exactly as he was programmed to do.  But if your child ends up thinking and acting for himself, then you've raised a rebel.

Pg 18-19