Emotional Reactivity Is Our Worst Enemy

Emotional reactivity is our worst enemy when it comes to having great relationships.

Our biggest struggle as parents is not with the television; it's not with bad influences; it's not even with drugs or alcohol.  Our biggest struggle as parents is with our own emotional reactivity.  That's why the greatest thing we can do for our kids is learn to focus on us, not them.  Instead of anxiously trying to control our kids, let's concentrate on what we can control- calming our own emotional, knee-jerk reactions.

What's so damaging about being too reactive?  Consider this:  How can we have any influence on our children's decision-making if we don't have an influence on our own?  When we get reactive, we get regressive.  That is, we shrink back to an immature level of functioning.  Think of me at the Waffle House.  In an effort to get my two-year old to stop acting so immaturely, I became just as immature. 

How effective can that be?  I've come to realize that if I get loud and scary and intimidating, I may get compliance eventually, but at what price?  I may have screamed my son into submission at Waffle House, but what type of relationship will I have with him if I continue to parent by reactive intimidation?

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