The Diary Of Michael Ballack, JA...

Posted 26/07/07 14:49

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JA! First day in our Surrey training camp and I can test my poor ankle after my injury. It was fantastic to see the boys again - JT, Sheva, Didier, new boy Pizarro (who like me are captains of their national teams) and Lampsy. And the others, the small guys. I do not talk to all of them, the small boys, kleine jungen.

I wanted a table in our luncheon hall for international captains only but that was not voted. It is a pity. I had to sit near the Dutch coward-girl Robben AGAIN today. I, captain of the Deutsche mannschaft with a tiny boy who cries like the wolfs.

JT is too funny, he calls me 'Jerry' from my first day at the club. He is brilliant, all day 'Jerry' or sometimes 'Fritz'. Too funny. He and Lampsy sometimes sing about 'Two World Wars and one World Cup, doo daa, doo daa' - it is so funny. They are simple boys who aren't listening at school.

Yesterday I made a song called 'Three World Cups, three European Championships and the perfect economic model of the latter part of the 20th century, doo daa, doo daa' but they had already gone after trainings when I was preparing to sing it to them. I sang it instead to Ricky Carvahlo but he just looked confused. I think he might be mentally simple, but I like him, he is eine 'top geezer'!

I love the English humour, they know that they are barbarians stuck on an island for the safety of Europe and only celebrating a 1966 Weltermeister when the ball isn't crossing the line! Do you know what I say English Islanders? Verstehst du was ich sage? You shout like the bear in the woodlands but you are in the truth like the smaller squirrel or cat in size and achievement!

I took my foot off the gas pedal in training today, and Ashley Cole shouted at me. I didn't understand what he shouts, but my agent told me aftereards that "Stop f**king coasting you toolkit" is meaning that I shouldn't put the work so hard in training because I could make an injury. I shouldn't give too much power and force in rehearsal games or not-big matches. Ja, is true. Slow down, ist gut Ashley. A lot of fans come to me and say "stop coasting" and I am very emotional to know that they are caring for me so much.

Shopping! Ja I love shopping. With my children we can go into the Hamleys Toy shop and spend hours. It is good value too, I bought a giant Harry Potter Jigsaw for £150, das ist perhaps 250 Euros. Then we go to Carnaby Street where they filmed 'Austin Powers', I walked up and down shouting 'Ja baby!' like Austin in the films. My children couldn't stop laughing! I love London. I often invite JT and Lampsy for fish 'n' chips in the Millennium Wheel but they are always busy. I know Lampsy likes fish 'n' chips, his car smells of it always.

I arrived early at trainings today for a chat with Mister Jose. He told me I am starting at zero this season, and I must fight for my place. Of course, it is obvious. Es ist offensichtlich! But I like a challenge. When I was a 13 years boy at home and the Berlin Wall was fell, I knew that I could overcome anything. When I score the goals in the half-final of the Champions League in 02, or World Cup in 02, or in the FA Cup in 07 I proved that I like a challenge. I will be in the team when I am feeling my ankle better. This Sidwell boy cannot take my place, he is not even in the England mannschaft, but I am captain of Germany. Lampsy and I are born to be special partners for many years.

I did my impression of Austin Powers for Ricky Carvalho at the end of trainings today. I jumped out of some bushes and shouted 'JA BABY I WANT TO SHAG YOU!' and he got very afraid, and ran from me. I think he is mentally retarded. When I make the Austin voice with the German National Mannschaft (three World Cups and three Euros JT and Lampsy!) World Cup training camp everyone is laughing, even der boss Klinnsi.

I often make jokes with the German Fußballtrainingslager. Before the 2006 half-final against the Italians I relaxed the squadron by dressing up as Chris De Burgh and singing 'Lady In Red'. Wunderbar, so funny. One of the reasons I moved to Chelsea was to be in London near stars like Chris De Burgh and Michael Bolton.

I love London and cannot wait for the new season. I want to help Chelsea win the Champions League. And help Ricky Carvalho develop his brain.